Our Two Days

The second the plane landed I had this terrible feeling of dread - thinking I really couldn't do this again. I couldn't believe I was putting myself through this process - again. Mothering a baby, loving a baby and then leaving. The night before the foster mom brought Eli to me, I was really having some anxiety about the fact that I was leaving one child at home while I was traipsing around a third world country preparing to ruin Rosemary's life by adopting another baby. Fortunately my good friend Rachel (who is also adopting a second baby and you'll see pictures of her with Eli soon - she surprised me with some when she came down a few weeks ago) warned me about feeling this way. So - I was prepared and decided I needed some sleep - and then I remembered this wasn't my idea in the first place. I did not plan to adopt a second child. When I found out Rosemary's birth mother was pregnant again and was going to make an adoption plan, I kind of freaked out. I wasn't ready. But - you know, that didn't matter. Things fell into place so amazingly well after I prayed about it, I knew this was God's idea. When I prayed for a baby, I asked God to give me a child or children - whatever his plan was for me. So - when I went to bed on Friday night, I went knowing I had made this decision to adopt on faith alone and that's how I was going to get through it. God's idea, not mine. It would all be okay.

And it was....It is okay. If I could have written down everything I wanted in a baby, he is it. He's sweet, cuddly, has a personality that will survive his sister(!), he's beautiful - and he sleeps!!! Yes - that's right. My precious, darling son slept until 9:45am this morning and didn't wake up at all through the night. I kept waking up to make sure he was breathing! But, most of all this feels right. I mean it. I know I'm his mommy. And, more importantly - from the beginning of time, he was meant to be my baby.

Enjoy the picture parade!